Don't sweat the small stuff - or - Drama Queens need not apply

Life is stressful right?

Right - or maybe not. Maybe we are redefining stress because we no longer live in caves and don't have to struggle on a daily basis to just survive.

I have found it rather difficult lately to not throttle people who constantly complain about how every little thing is stressful. One particular co-worker has been driving me bananas lately. First she starts every conversation with one loud long exasperating sigh. That's your first cue to run away before she starts to speak. If you are not so savvy and quick, you will be stuck listening to her boring tales of work-home-life issues that she is having. She also lacks the ability to know how to tell a story, so her style is to over dramatize her voice. Plus she laughs at everything when it clearly isn't funny. So every conversation with her is the awkward dance of her trying to be entertaining, witty, or seeking attention/sympathy and you trying to be polite and not bitch slap her into silence.

Here is what I want to say to her and to all of you who think your life is so stressful. NO IT'S NOT. BIG DEAL. SO WHAT. WE'VE ALL HAD THAT HAPPEN TO US. You don't have to go in great detail about what your mechanic said is wrong with your car and how much it's going to cost you. Guess what? Cars break down from time to time and need repairs. SO WHAT. I just had to take my car in 3 days ago, but I spared you the boring details. I've also had to deal with work issues, because that is our job - to find issues and deal with them. Why are you exasperated on a daily basis by this? And why do you feel the need to tell everyone about it?  And then there is the worst of her boring problems - her personal life. This is where I drew the line with her and have been down right blunt with her. Don't complain about how others treat you like crap. People treat you how you allow them to treat you. You complain about a problem and won't follow other's advice - you have a problem to which there is a simple solution and yet don't implement that advice. So DON'T complain anymore because you obviously need/love the drama and attention. So I have bluntly told her this. She has at least learned this boundary from me and no longer talks about her personal issues with me. What I find funny about all this is that her husband died of cancer a year ago - so you would think life would be a little bit more in perspective for her. Cancer is stressful - all that other stuff is not.

Maybe we all need to be a little more discerning on what is really stressful and what is the everyday dance we call LIFE. If you're not running for your life from a tiger, sitting in a Russian prison work camp, or walking for miles in desert looking for water for your family - then it's all going to be okay.



Holiday potluck- the pissiness and the pleasures

One thing you can count on during the holiday season is plenty of various potluck parties, whether it be through work, church, social clubs, friends or family, there are plenty of opportunities to chow down in a sea of crock pots and cheese trays. It also never fails that besides bloating and heartburn, these little get-together produce a lot of griping and petty comments. (me included) Oh the joy!

Every potluck consists of 50% of very thoughtful well made dishes that somebody took the time and money to make, 45% who brought something store bought (but substantial in size and cost) because they didn't have the time to make what they wanted, and 5% of the people who cheap out and contribute the bag of Doritos and jar of salsa that they bought at a gas station on the way. Now it goes without saying that Doritos guy is also the FIRST one in line and loads his plate FULL of chicken wings, homemade meatballs and shrimp cocktail. I seriously can't believe the gall of someone who spent 5 minutes and 5 bucks is the one who eats the most expensive and labor intensive food. REALLY? Are you really that shameless? It also goes without saying that one of the things left at the end, uneaten and unopened is the bag of Doritos.

While there is usually a sign up sheet, so you don't end up with 4 vegetable trays, everyone usually waits until the last minute to sign up for anything. Nobody ever signs up to bring plates, napkins, and utensils. So the one who had the thankless job of organizing the event usually ends up bringing them adding to the cost on top of what they spent on their dish. For the gentleman who doesn't cook and is worried about bugging the wife to make something - this is the perfect thing to sign up for. But don't cheap out on the plates, spring for the large Dixie or Chinette plates. Nothing is worse that a plate of BBQ wienies ending up on your lap because someone brought dollar store paper plates.

Since I have had this thankless job of organizing these kind of events I will also call out all the "suggesters". These are the people who always decline to take charge of these events but feel it necessary to suggest to the organizer how it should be done. They are the ones who complain and criticize about everything because it's not the way THEY would've done it. Step up or shut up. I actually had a bible thumping co-worker hassle me as to why I put Holiday Potluck on the sign up sheet rather than Christmas potluck. I explained since our department is multicultural and we have many religions represented, that I wanted everyone to feel welcome to participate. The more the merrier- if you will. Well this person had a problem with that so I simply told them "well if you want more Christ in your Christmas - go to church more often". Meanwhile all the Muslim, Hindu, and Buddhist co-workers brought in wonderful dishes to share the joy. Fun and good tidings were had by all - except the one who wanted to get all pissy about holiday semantics. You know because that what Jesus would want - you to be all petty, spiteful, and exclusionary.

Despite all the hiccups and annoyances I love potlucks. I love all the homemade ethnic dishes my diverse co-workers bring in. (homemade egg rolls, venison sausage, Filipino noodles, lefse, pickled herring, garlic hummus) It's a chance to try new things, get recipes, talk to people you normally don't get a chance to, and fill yourself with goodness. That's the point of it after all - isn't it?

Joyless Gift Receivers

I have to say the one part of the Christmas season I hate is shopping for my youngest sister. She is incredibly picky and particular. She has an opinion on everything on how it should be. Buying a present for her is quite the chore and there is rarely any reward in it.

That is not to say that those with high standards are impossible to please. It's the ones who think only their ideas are the good ideas. I have pained and planned and have bought a high quality gift in something she is interested in and in the end she picks it apart and ultimately returns it simply because it wasn't her idea.

The best plan is to stick to the list she gives you. But the two problems with that - for one the items she asks for are usually out of the agreed upon price range, and second there is no surprise when the gift is opened. So there is no unexpected joy or elation. And it's so bad that even when you get something she asked for, she'll complain that it's not the brand/type/color she would have picked out.

Let's face it gift exchanges are as much about the givers as the receivers. It feels really good to see someone's reaction when you get them something they love. It also feels lousy when you put a lot of thought and effort to get someone a gift you thought they would love and you either get a neutral reaction or worse a negative reaction.

So if you are noticing that you are receiving less gifts than you used to, or if all you get are gift cards, then you just might be one of those picky joyless gift receivers. Merry Christmas - here's to you only getting what you want and crapping on those who care enough to buy you a thoughtful gift.

Neurosis in the ladies room

I wish I could wave a magic wand and eliminate all the fears and misconceptions that women have about public restrooms.  I bet the Y chromosome is missing the gene that causes such anxiety ridden thoughts and behaviors. So any males reading this are probably wondering what the hell I am talking about. There's a whole slew of odd behaviors and rituals that women do in public restrooms.

First we have act of putting as many layers of protection between the toilet seat and the fragile female behind. Some restrooms have dispensers where women can get flushable toilet seat shaped tissue protectors. I have heard women grabbing 4-5 at a time because apparently that protects you even better. (eye roll) If not -a protective cover can be fashioned out of toilet paper. If you're an idiot you grab the paper towels. (which plug up the toilet). A real treat is when you walk into a stall and some germophobes couldn't even be bothered to touch their own germy seat protectors to flush or throw them away. (lovely) Then there are the women where none of these options will do - so they hover.  Yes - I am not kidding - they straddle the toilet and hover their ass over the seat and proceed to go. Now mind you they don't get everything in the toilet and leave the mess for the next person. But they don't care as long as they got to have a germ free tinkle. Of course there is the old stand by of flushing the toilet with your foot trick, which I don't get because if you wiped yourself, your hands are already "dirty" and you are going to wash your hands anyway, so why are you worried about touching the handle? You have to touch the latch on the door to get out of the stall - so what germs are you saving yourself from? Then once you get your hands clean you use a paper towel to open the restroom door and if there is no waste basket handy you just throw the towels on the floor. The other odd behavior I have seen, or should I say heard, is flushing the toilet before they sit down to go. Now for some unknown reason this is popular with the Asian women. I asked a Filipino woman I know at work who did this one day, and she said it was to get clean water in the toilet so if anything splashed back up you wouldn't catch a disease.

So there it is - it all boils down to this weird urban legend / old wives tale that you can catch a sexually transmitted disease from a toilet. Every woman I have talked to who perform all these germophobic gymnastics in the restroom have the SAME story. Someone told them that their mother's friend's sister's daughter caught an STD from a toilet. NO THEY DIDN'T. It's always somebody they don't know and have never met. I'll say "give me a name of someone you know directly that caught an STD from a toilet" - they can't name any. That's my point. This is an urban legend based in zero fact. I would also say bunk to anyone claiming they got an STD from a toilet. Chances are they got an STD from..... yes ..wait for it... having sexual intercourse.  But since we still live in double standard times where women are supposed to feel ashamed for wanting and having sex, we have to make up stories about STDs and toilet seats, crabs and tanning beds, and herpes and gym equipment so we don't get labeled a slut or whore.

So I'll say this one more time. YOU CAN'T GET AN STD FROM A TOILET SEAT! OK ... for the sake of science I'll concede the fact that it is highly improbable. Every article I have read on this topic pretty much says the same thing. Germs can't live on a cold dry surface. So when Dr. Oz and other health related shows do their fear driven ratings getting germ segments, where they swab a number of public places, they fail to mention that all these germs they find are dead, therefore harmless. Infectious disease specialists say the only way to catch an STD from a toilet is if said germ happens to stay warm enough and wet enough to survive AND happens to enter your body directly through the urethra, vagina, or opening in the skin. While it's possible, it's highly improbable and next to impossible. I can attest that I have NEVER done any of this ridiculous things (even when visiting foreign countries) and I have not even gotten so much as a pimple on my ass. So ladies - can we knock off all this neurotic behavior and just go potty? Ironically the restroom would probably be cleaner.



 



One simple green thing... reusable grocery bags.

Every time I see an organization or business giving out free canvas bags, people are lined up a hundred deep and yet every time I go to the grocery store, I rarely see anyone using them. Just think how much plastic we could keep out of the environment and how many trees could be saved if most of us made good practice of these reusable bags. Here are some tips to consider....

* Do you have reusable bags and always forget them? Keep them in your car so they are with you always. As soon as you are done emptying them, put them back in the car instead of the closet, or hang them on the front door knob so you remember to take them back to the car.

* No breakage or spills. Canvas bags are strong so you can load as much as you want without worries of your bag tearing and your groceries spilling.

* Save money. A lot of stores give a 5 cent per bag discount if you use reusable bags. Not much - but it helps. More and more communities are implementing a tax/surcharge per bag if you use plastic bags to cut down the use of plastic.

* The square bottom reusable bags usually work the best for groceries, but the unusually shaped bags (book bag or tote style) work well for shopping at the dept store, drug store, home improvement store, or the farmers market.

* Most stores sell reusable bags at a fairly reasonable price. But you can get quite a collection for free. Many organizations and business promote themselves by giving away free bags at fairs, trade shows, and festivals. Take the time to get some freebies. I always ask for extras.

* Spread the movement. Over the last few years I've collected at least 50 free canvas bags. Obviously I can't use them all so I've given them to family members to use. Note: if you give someone 1 bag they probably won't bother to remember to use it, but if you give them a set of 4-5 they will likely start using them right away and get hooked.

* Looking for an inexpensive and unique gift for someone?  Buy them a set of reusable bags from their favorite store. A set of 5 will likely cost less than $20. Stores have put a lot of thought into the design of these bags and they look really cool.

* Free up cupboard and closet space. Donate that mountain of plastic and paper store bags clogging up your pantry closet to your local thrift store where they can be reused.  Many curbside recycling companies don't take plastic bags, but many stores (Kohl's) have plastic bag recycling bins.

This is one simple thing everyone could do that would help the environment greatly. I, for one, am sick of seeing plastic bags littering our beautiful landscape. I'm sick of seeing pictures of wildlife affected by ingesting or getting tangled in plastic. I'm sick of our landfills getting filled with a substance that doesn't easily break down. And I'm sick of the oil industry (plastic is made from petroleum) making billions off the destruction of our planet.

Now on with my quest to get gas stations/convenience stores to put recycling bins next to the trash bins at their gas pumps...

 

 

 

Shepherding "my flock"

One simple hobby I have that brings me great joy, purpose, and satisfaction is feeding the birds.  I have a total of five seed feeders, five suet, and one hummingbird feeder for the summer months.

I suddenly realized today that I got this funny little hobby from my father. All through my childhood I remember my dad diligently filling his feeders and making comments when a rare sighting of a cardinal happened.  Plus there was the perpetual battle of dad trying to rid the feeders of the gluttonous squirrels by sending our dog outside in a blaze of fur and barking, wreaking havoc on the local wildlife.

I can't quite explain why it's so satisfying. I like the quietness and the simplicity of the ritual. I like how the chickadees come surprisenly close to me as I hang up the newly filled feeders as if to say hi and "thanks for the chow".  The songbird population has dropped dramatically due to many factors, loss of habitat, disease, weather, and the rise of the feral cat population. So I like the feeling that somehow I'm helping mother nature in some small way. Maybe it's my innate love of animals. I like looking out my windows and seeing a colorful canvas of winged rainbows singing their way throughout the landscape.

Our simple little ritual starts with me grabbing my "shepherd's hook"- a tool I fashioned out of an old broom handle and thick wire for retrieving and placing the feeders from their locations.  The dogs always go along with me as if they are somehow helping me with the chore. Actually they know at some point I'll let them lick the containers that the suet cakes come in - kind of like when your mom would let you lick batter bowl. I keep the feed secure in a metal trash can in the garage to keep the critters out. One by one they all get filled, then I get to sit back and watch the crowd come in.

When we first moved to our five acre home out in the country, I recall only seeing a few species of birds - chickadees, blue jays, crows, robins, and juncos.  Now we have a large assortment taking up residence nearby. The ever elusive cardinal is now a regular mainstay, plus we have nuthatches, gold finches, purple finches, thrashers, grackles, wrens, larks, swallows, flickers, and four different varieties of woodpeckers including the very shy (and large) pileated woodpecker. Many more I can't recall off hand. Bluebirds are not feeder dwellers, but after I put up a birdhouse I bought from the boy scouts for ten dollars, I get three hatchings a year from that little house. I hope to put up a purple martin house in the near future.

My dad tried to instill a lot of things in me, I usually resisted. We butted heads most of the time. But this one thing he did, which he didn't push on me, I was just around to observe, is the one thing (Okay there are others) that I do and enjoy because of him. I thank him for giving this gift to me - Oh and the birds thank him too.


                                                

Stay home - damn it!

I read an article awhile back about how studies show that presenteeism is bigger problem in the workplace than absentee workers.  Presenteeism is defined as those who show up to work even if they are ill, injured, or are physically and/or mentally incapacitated. Statistics show that people who come in to work and feel like crap are less productive -- gee that's shocking. But even more important, these people infect everyone else and those people are more likely to call in sick.

I have a personal beef with this issue because my workplace encourages these dedicated brown nosers by awarding them with perfect attendance certificates (which any jack ass can print off any computer from certificate generators) and a crappy coffee mug or hat that was made in China. Seriously? Is your life so empty that this little 60 second ceremony gives you some sort of fulfillment? Holy shit - I'm so glad that I suffered with a 5 day cold followed by a respiratory infection that you gave me (and then spread to the rest of my family), just so you could have your once a year glory. Thank God.

Now if you could see beyond your selfish motivations based on hollow aspirations, you might consider that your unwitting dedication is NOT helping the company. In fact, it costs companies money when workers are less productive and have to make up for the many that are out sick. So don't delude yourself in thinking you are a better employee.  You also might want to think about how you are putting innocent people in harm's way. To you it may be a cold virus - to the very young, very old, and people with compromised immune systems, a simple cold could turn DEADLY. How many of your co-workers have their elderly parents living with them? How many are diabetic? How many have a relative with cancer, asthma, or HIV?  How many of your co-workers are pregnant?

Don't think that everyone looks up to you and admires you for your exemplary record. Remember that kid in class who kept raising their hand and knew every answer, turned everything in on time, got straight A's, and kept the teacher "informed" on every one's shenanigans? Everyone hated that kid. Why - because that kid saw themselves as better than everyone else. It was more about what the teacher thought of their deeds and their hopes of somehow being put on a pedestal for it rather than them doing their personal best. Well you are "that kid" in the workplace. Knock it off. Feel free to tarnish your record once or twice a year and spare the rest of us - we'll hate you a little less for it.

Camping - you're NOT doing it wrong.

I can appreciate the boring aspect of my job because it allows us to have many conversations NOT about work. Some are philosophical, some political, some tell tales of their colorful times in college or the military, other conversations remind me of idiotic debates between Jerry and George from "Seinfeld" or Cliff and Norm from "Cheers".

One topic that repeats itself is the "camping debate".  Living in Minnesota with 10,000 lakes and going"up nort" where it's woodsy -we have what we call a cabin/camping culture. Most families are either cabin people or campers. If you are lucky your grandparents or parents were thinking ahead and bought land on some lake up north while it was still affordable and taxes were low and built a basic but spacious cabin that was functional and has been handed down for the younger generations to enjoy. If not, your family partakes in camping. Campers range from the die hard rugged backpackers who walk and canoe for miles until they reach their destination to the people whose idea of camping is a 35 ft RV with a full kitchen, bathroom, flat screen TV, and AC. That is the debate - what is camping?

I kind of fall in the middle. I grew up camping in an old beat up camper where everything was held together with duct tape, nothing worked, and my dad never let us use the toilet because he didn't want to have pay to dump it.  As an adult I have kind of evolved to tent camping.  Although I have to confess our tent has room for 8 even though it's just the 2 of us and we have 18 inch thick queen size air mattress to sleep on. Our tent has enough room to stand up and even has a hanging ceiling fan with light. We also have room for a folding camp table with chairs which come in handy when it rains and we have a place to play games or eat. I always chuckle at the amount of crap the two of us seem to pack for just the 2 of us. (I can't imagine if we had kids)

I do hope someday to do a boundary waters trip. The Boundary Waters Canoe Area is a vast area in northeastern Minnesota where no motorized vehicles or boats are allowed.  So you travel by foot (portaging) or canoe. You basically carry everything you need on your back. There are no restrooms, no picnic tables, no nothing. You are REALLY roughing it.  They say every "true" Minnesotan needs to do this at least once in their lifetime, so this is on my bucket list of things to accomplish before I get too old.

My experience is that those who tend to like the "roughing it" type of camping tend to be the most judgemental about what camping really is.  Like you somehow aren't doing it right if you aren't suffering and exhausted from your experience and haven't spent a fortune at REI on the latest and greatest of lightweight techy camp gear. I say ANY camping is good for you- even if you have a big luxury RV.  At least those people are still getting out.  They are getting out of their norm- getting out of the house, traveling and visiting new towns, new states, and spending time outdoors even though they take comfort at night. For all you die hards who think we all should do what you do - just think how crowded it would be if all camped where you go.

Get out and enjoy your state and national parks and trails - no matter how choose to enjoy it. Get out see the world and soak in some nature. It's good for the soul, the body, and easy on your wallet.

The great butter debate

We are a two butter household. Mine is left out in a covered butter dish at room temperature, my husband's butter is cold and rock hard inside the refrigerator.  I like salted butter, he likes unsalted.

He has changed my preference for syrups. I used to buy the awful artificial maple flavored corn syrup. He made his case and pure maple syrup is so much better. But I haven't been able to convince him on the butter debate. He was brought up in an anxiety ridden family that thought any dairy could spoil if left out for more than 5 minutes, while I was brought up in a more laid back household where something had to grow legs and start to crawl before we would start to worry.  I would explain to my husband over and over how we always left the butter out and never got sick. Yes- butter can go rancid if left out long enough, but being raised by two parents who both grew up on farms- we went through the butter quickly. I also would point out how impossible it is to spread cold butter on anything without destroying it. At my in-law's house you have to settle for smooshed dinner rolls with a cold pat of butter stuck in the middle. But that doesn't matter to him. 10 years of marriage and he still keeps his butter in the frig.  He hasn't put two and two together and figured out what butter I use to make his grilled cheese sandwiches.  Maybe I'll win if I make him make the grilled cheese sandwiches using his butter. 

Simple pleasures - not a simple task

We all go through the motions of life day after day- work, school, eating, cleaning, running errands, and so on.  Hopefully all the menial things we do everyday help provide us with the time, money, and means to do the things we love. If you're lucky, some of those menial things actually bring you some joy.

I feel fortunate that I have the life that affords me the luxury of noticing the small stuff.  I don't mean affords as in monetarily, quite the opposite. I think the wealthy have too many big things to think about to fully enjoy and appreciate what they have.  There is some old line I heard once (maybe from a song - who knows)- "the more you have, the more you have to worry about".

Sometimes I have to remind myself to stop and smell the roses. To stop, notice, really notice, and appreciate the simple pleasures of life.  These are some of just a few of my simple pleasures:

*The smell of a hot cup of tea as the steam tingles my nose.
*A warm comfy pair of socks.
*Picking vegetables I've grown myself.
*Walking through the woods and listening to the leaves.
*Seeing fresh snow sparkle like glitter in the early morning sun.
*Tasting the salt of a crunchy dill pickle
*The smell of fresh lilacs in the spring.
*Watching an old movie with my husband.
*Looking at the colorful birds as they visit my feeders.
*Feeling the warm sun on my face, even in the dead of winter.
*Petting my dog as she cuddles with me on the couch.

It's not an easy task to fully appreciate the simple things, especially in today's fast paced, tech heavy, material driven world. One simple way to do it is by keeping a gratitude journal.  Everyday write down 3 things you are grateful for. It doesn't sound difficult but doing so every day without constantly repeating yourself is hard. Knowing you have to write down 3 things at the end of the day makes you notice more - it makes you look deeper. There is a line in the book The Color Purple - "I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple and don't notice".  I don't know about that, but I do know from my own observations that the happiest people (no matter what their circumstances) seem to be the ones who take pleasure in the simple things in life. And I'm grateful that I'm observant enough to follow their example.

The evil germ.....forget about it.

Do yourself a favor.... whenever a news show does a story about anything relevant to germs and bacteria...turn the channel.  We have somehow raised an entire generation of germophobes.  I find it strange how some people spend a great deal of time and energy avoiding germs when if fact germs are everywhere.  You can't avoid them... and more importantly -you shouldn't avoid them.

Your immune system is like a muscle. If you don't use it - it gets weak. More and more studies show that people who live in sterile environments tend to get sicker and/or develop auto-immune disorders.  The emergence of antibiotic resistant bacteria is also a clear sign that we are making the germs stronger. Think "survival of the fittest" - most disinfectants say that they kill 99% of germs. That means the 1% left to reproduce millions more germs are strong enough to withstand the disinfectant.  So you are killing off all the less harmful germs your body can fight off and are helping the more dangerous germs to proliferate. STOP USING ANTI-BACTERIAL SOAPS AND CLEANERS.  Infectious disease specialists say there is no point to buying these expensive chemical laden soaps and cleaners. The only case where disinfecting can be made is when handling raw meats, otherwise thoroughly washing with plain soap and water is enough to protect you from harmful germs. 

The reason why these news shows do these reports on "what you should know about ____" in regards to germs is that we are a fear driven society and fear sells.  The more you watch, the higher the ratings, the more money they make from ad revenue.  The story usually involves some lab tech swabbing a dozen surfaces and shining a black light.  While they report to you the various bacteria they found (e coli, strep, etc) what they don't mention is that all of these germs are DEAD. Germs don't live long if they are not in ideal conditions - usually a moist and warm environments. Dead germs are not harmful -- in fact they are what help build your immune system. Most vaccines are made of dead bacteria and viruses.

So the next time some TV show does a "report" that you "need to know"- and for good measure I'll include stories about animal attacks, child abductions, violent crime, and other scary stuff - turn it off.  I'm not a head in the sand and stay ignorant kind of person - it's just that the likelihood of these things happening are about the same a winning the lottery. So the amount of anxiety ridden people who behave like any and all of these things could happen at any moment is dumbfounding.

DON'T WORRY -- BE HAPPY

The obnoxious passive-aggressive hollow soap box

We all like our opinions to be known on some level. It's pretty evident from the vast number of social networking sites, discussion boards, comment sections, and blogs. But the trend that is annoying as hell is the reposting of empty proclamations where there is some sort of passive aggressive manipulative statement that if you don't repost the picture/poster/statement than you are inherently against what the statement says.  They usually involve proclaiming love and appreciation for mom, dad, kids, spouse,  supporting our troops, patriotism, having faith in their religion, or supporting those with illness such as cancer, etc. 

I have consciously chosen not to repost any of this drivel - for many reasons. I resent being bullied into saying what I believe in.  I also resent to notion that if I don't repost something that automatically makes against it and therefore a "bad" person. It kind of drives that "you're either with us or against us" mentality.  The best part of freedom of speech is the freedom part.  I also think most of the statements in these proclamations are obvious to most people. (with the exception of religion)  Of course most people love their mother, support the troops, and are against cancer.  But you had to post a picture of a sunset or flag with cursive writing on it so everyone was clear on the subject. Duh. It seems a little ridiculous to make a pointless proclamation. If you are going to take a stand at least do it with a topic that can make a difference. And please leave off  statements like "I know 99% of you won't repost this but I know my true friends will". (ugh-eye roll)  The biggest reason I don't repost these is that it's a meaningless gesture. Anyone can copy and paste or click share. It doesn't accomplish anything. If you love your mother - call her and tell her.  If you support the troops, then donate to organizations that support soldiers and their families.  If you love Jesus, then follow his example and help those who are less fortunate.  Actions speak louder than words....and are surely more inspiring than passive-aggressive comments.

(sigh) ...... Go on......

Don't you hate people who make you feel like a horrible human being?  You know the ones, who are generally annoying but because they are "nice" and because you are "nice", you can't tell them to shut up and go away.  But you secretly wish they would die a horrible death.... no...wait ... your feelings match that sentiment but you don't really wish harm upon anyone. And then later on you feel guilty for thinking such horrible thoughts when that person's only crime was stepping on your last nerve.

The latest of these is a co-worker of mine who has bravely battled cancer.....yes I said cancer.  "Why how could you think mean things about someone?"... you might be thinking.  Well first off this person has always had the bad conversational manners in the way that you can never leave a conversation once it has started.  She talks a never ending run on sentence that never seems to end. She doesn't pick up on cues that you are trying to leave or end a conversation. Everytime you try to walk away she starts to talk again. It's kind of like a female Columbo. She will even follow you to continue her boring assault.

The worst part- the conversation always reverts back to her and all her troubles and turmoils (this was true even before the cancer). She has some sort of evil knack for twisting every topic (no matter how mundane) back into her sufferings.  Now that she has been back for the last couple of months and is cancer free, I get the joy of never being to complain or talk about anything without her going into some ramble about all her horrible moments of fighting cancer.  And no she is not doing it to show us how lucky we are or to put things in perspective.  She did the same thing all of the time before the cancer. And yes she had all my sympathies during her illness and after her return, for awhile. But lately it's been getting really annoying.  If she shows me her pick line one more time I'm going to lose it. There are those people who brag how great they are and how great their life is -- then there are those who have to "one up" you with all their miseries.  I call it Scarlet O'Hara-itis --(insert southern accent here) "nobody has suffered how I have suffered".  The thing is, I could think these mean thoughts before and not feel bad, but truthfully her sufferings are greater. That's the problem because the cancer has given validity to her ramblings and I can't say anything to her or risk showing everyone the horrible human being I apparently am. I guess if that's my only "suffering" then I'm doing pretty good.

Something old is new all over again....

I have an appreciation for old things that still work. Maybe because back in the day companies cared more about their long term reputations than making short term record profits. Things were made better - better quality materials and made in the USA.  So every now and again when I want to buy a "new" item that I never had before I often look to see if the same product was produced 20-40 years ago. And then I look to buy it used on craigslist or ebay.  You'd be surprised how some of the oldest versions go for as much as the newer used items or even brand new. Why? - quality in design and materials and longevity - plus a little nostalgia.

My newest purchase is an old Coleman 2 burner camp stove 316G. The green metal suitcase style that runs on white gas.  I bought it for $20 on craigslist.  Coleman has been the main (or only) producer of these style of stoves since the 1920's. Mine was made in the late 60's.  Campers kind of talk about their vintage camping gear like old men talk about their classic cars. I can't wait to buy some fuel so I can see if this thing fires up right away or if it's going to need some tweeking after being stored in someone's garage rafters for 10-20 years.

You'll  find plenty of blogs and discussion boards with people looking to date their "new" purchase or find replacement parts.  That's the part that's my favorite - that there are people willing to fix and maintain these items. We live in a society that has the "in with the new- out with the old" mentality. I can't help get a little angry when people throw out something that still has plenty of life left in it simply because they want the newest and latest.  Just take a trip to your local dump. (I always say dump and not landfill- landfill sounds too nice. The term dump is more literal)  You'll be amazed how many things people throw out for no other reason than it's old.  At least donate it to a local thrift store.  Someone who will appreciate it's function and craftsmanship pick it up and put it to good use.  Or better yet sell it on craigslist.

I know you're hungry --- but come on

I'm kind of a freshman foodie... I love all kinds of food and enjoy eating out. (Doesn't food always taste better when someone else makes it?)  I enjoy everything from fancy foo foo fine dining to the roadside dives. I am not a food snob.  I recently started doing reviews on urbanspoon and am bothered by people's reviews where they let one bad server ruin their experience and therefore give the restaurant a horrible review because of it.

For years I worked in restaurants (high school and college) and have worked in most positions -dishwasher, prep-cook, hostess, server, and bartender.  I can tell you in most circumstances when you are seated and nobody comes to take your order (the biggest complaint) that it's usually a miscommunication between whoever seated you (the hostess or another server) and the server who is assigned to that section. I know that you would think that they would notice you but believe me when you're waiting tables all day- after awhile everybody starts to look the same and you don't even realize the people at the table previous to you have left yet.  The other common mistake that happens is when the hostess seats too many people in the same section at the same time. That means the waitress has to pass out all the menus and give the specials at the same time, take drink orders, etc. The proper way to seat customers is to stagger them between sections so no one server is getting overloaded with customers at the same time. Sometimes this happens when too many customers request to sit in booths, near the window, etc.  When I read complaints where someone waited for 10-15 minutes and no one came so they got up and left - I'm like- "how are they going to notice you left if they didn't notice you sitting there to begin with?"  The best thing to do is grab the attention of any server or go up to the hostess stand and let them know. Every restaurant manager wants you to have a good experience, and if you politely let then know of the mishap they will likely make it up to you in some way. 

Keep in mind too if it's a new restaurant, that there are a lot of growing pains and kinks to work out so by you letting them know, they can address these issues so they don't happen again.

The biggest mistake customers make is NOT waiting to be seated.  The biggest complaint from servers - when people just walk in and sit at a table that hasn't been cleared yet. (especially when there are plenty of clean tables) UUggggh! That means you have to drop everything you are doing (ignoring your other customers) and clean off the table so the customers don't have to stare at half eaten grilled cheese. Worst case scenario - the server thinks you are the last people there and thinks you haven't left yet, therefore ignores you.  Waiting to be seated will not delay you getting served.

Sometimes the server is just having a bad day at work. (Haven't we all had those?) Maybe they are short staffed, or she had to take something back and the cook was a jerk, maybe the last customer stiffed her on a tip.  Just try to remember that we are all human and we can only do our best most of the time. I'm sure you are not the perfect worker 100% of the time and wouldn't want people to judge your employer when you are not at your best. 

So let's give everybody a break here and try to salvage something good from something bad.  I always give restaurants second chances when the first time wasn't good.  Let them know while you are there so they can remedy the situation. And then maybe you won't have to let it ruin your time and go home bitch about it on social media websites.

Positive negative attitude

I'm usually a positive upbeat person. (or at least that's what I think most people see me as) But I also have a nagging critical bent to my personality as well. It's not that I see everything in a negative manner, but rather it's my hopeful nature that sees everything could be a little bit better.  I'm not a perfectionist. Perfectionism is for those who have to fit everything into their little box of how they think everything should be.  Maybe I'm an idealist - but even that has a stink of some elitist view of the world.  OK maybe I'm a realist who knows things will never be perfect nor expects they will be, but hopes and constantly thinks about how we can make life in general a little better.

 By better - I mean in experience rather than appearance.  There is a huge difference between the two. Most people don't stop to think about how that simple distinction can affect almost every facet of their life.  I believe life should be about seeking fulfillment.  Fulfillment has been defined in many of ways, but when you break it down, it simply is about satisfaction (or happiness if you will), purpose, and experiences.  Most people look to appearances to fulfill them- money, success, prestige, material possessions, etc. But at the end of the day it's the experiences you have on a daily basis (large and small) that give us a sense of connection - connection to the physical world around us and more importantly a connection to one another.  The only thing better than a great experience is a shared great experience.