Stay home - damn it!

I read an article awhile back about how studies show that presenteeism is bigger problem in the workplace than absentee workers.  Presenteeism is defined as those who show up to work even if they are ill, injured, or are physically and/or mentally incapacitated. Statistics show that people who come in to work and feel like crap are less productive -- gee that's shocking. But even more important, these people infect everyone else and those people are more likely to call in sick.

I have a personal beef with this issue because my workplace encourages these dedicated brown nosers by awarding them with perfect attendance certificates (which any jack ass can print off any computer from certificate generators) and a crappy coffee mug or hat that was made in China. Seriously? Is your life so empty that this little 60 second ceremony gives you some sort of fulfillment? Holy shit - I'm so glad that I suffered with a 5 day cold followed by a respiratory infection that you gave me (and then spread to the rest of my family), just so you could have your once a year glory. Thank God.

Now if you could see beyond your selfish motivations based on hollow aspirations, you might consider that your unwitting dedication is NOT helping the company. In fact, it costs companies money when workers are less productive and have to make up for the many that are out sick. So don't delude yourself in thinking you are a better employee.  You also might want to think about how you are putting innocent people in harm's way. To you it may be a cold virus - to the very young, very old, and people with compromised immune systems, a simple cold could turn DEADLY. How many of your co-workers have their elderly parents living with them? How many are diabetic? How many have a relative with cancer, asthma, or HIV?  How many of your co-workers are pregnant?

Don't think that everyone looks up to you and admires you for your exemplary record. Remember that kid in class who kept raising their hand and knew every answer, turned everything in on time, got straight A's, and kept the teacher "informed" on every one's shenanigans? Everyone hated that kid. Why - because that kid saw themselves as better than everyone else. It was more about what the teacher thought of their deeds and their hopes of somehow being put on a pedestal for it rather than them doing their personal best. Well you are "that kid" in the workplace. Knock it off. Feel free to tarnish your record once or twice a year and spare the rest of us - we'll hate you a little less for it.