Don't sweat the small stuff - or - Drama Queens need not apply

Life is stressful right?

Right - or maybe not. Maybe we are redefining stress because we no longer live in caves and don't have to struggle on a daily basis to just survive.

I have found it rather difficult lately to not throttle people who constantly complain about how every little thing is stressful. One particular co-worker has been driving me bananas lately. First she starts every conversation with one loud long exasperating sigh. That's your first cue to run away before she starts to speak. If you are not so savvy and quick, you will be stuck listening to her boring tales of work-home-life issues that she is having. She also lacks the ability to know how to tell a story, so her style is to over dramatize her voice. Plus she laughs at everything when it clearly isn't funny. So every conversation with her is the awkward dance of her trying to be entertaining, witty, or seeking attention/sympathy and you trying to be polite and not bitch slap her into silence.

Here is what I want to say to her and to all of you who think your life is so stressful. NO IT'S NOT. BIG DEAL. SO WHAT. WE'VE ALL HAD THAT HAPPEN TO US. You don't have to go in great detail about what your mechanic said is wrong with your car and how much it's going to cost you. Guess what? Cars break down from time to time and need repairs. SO WHAT. I just had to take my car in 3 days ago, but I spared you the boring details. I've also had to deal with work issues, because that is our job - to find issues and deal with them. Why are you exasperated on a daily basis by this? And why do you feel the need to tell everyone about it?  And then there is the worst of her boring problems - her personal life. This is where I drew the line with her and have been down right blunt with her. Don't complain about how others treat you like crap. People treat you how you allow them to treat you. You complain about a problem and won't follow other's advice - you have a problem to which there is a simple solution and yet don't implement that advice. So DON'T complain anymore because you obviously need/love the drama and attention. So I have bluntly told her this. She has at least learned this boundary from me and no longer talks about her personal issues with me. What I find funny about all this is that her husband died of cancer a year ago - so you would think life would be a little bit more in perspective for her. Cancer is stressful - all that other stuff is not.

Maybe we all need to be a little more discerning on what is really stressful and what is the everyday dance we call LIFE. If you're not running for your life from a tiger, sitting in a Russian prison work camp, or walking for miles in desert looking for water for your family - then it's all going to be okay.



Holiday potluck- the pissiness and the pleasures

One thing you can count on during the holiday season is plenty of various potluck parties, whether it be through work, church, social clubs, friends or family, there are plenty of opportunities to chow down in a sea of crock pots and cheese trays. It also never fails that besides bloating and heartburn, these little get-together produce a lot of griping and petty comments. (me included) Oh the joy!

Every potluck consists of 50% of very thoughtful well made dishes that somebody took the time and money to make, 45% who brought something store bought (but substantial in size and cost) because they didn't have the time to make what they wanted, and 5% of the people who cheap out and contribute the bag of Doritos and jar of salsa that they bought at a gas station on the way. Now it goes without saying that Doritos guy is also the FIRST one in line and loads his plate FULL of chicken wings, homemade meatballs and shrimp cocktail. I seriously can't believe the gall of someone who spent 5 minutes and 5 bucks is the one who eats the most expensive and labor intensive food. REALLY? Are you really that shameless? It also goes without saying that one of the things left at the end, uneaten and unopened is the bag of Doritos.

While there is usually a sign up sheet, so you don't end up with 4 vegetable trays, everyone usually waits until the last minute to sign up for anything. Nobody ever signs up to bring plates, napkins, and utensils. So the one who had the thankless job of organizing the event usually ends up bringing them adding to the cost on top of what they spent on their dish. For the gentleman who doesn't cook and is worried about bugging the wife to make something - this is the perfect thing to sign up for. But don't cheap out on the plates, spring for the large Dixie or Chinette plates. Nothing is worse that a plate of BBQ wienies ending up on your lap because someone brought dollar store paper plates.

Since I have had this thankless job of organizing these kind of events I will also call out all the "suggesters". These are the people who always decline to take charge of these events but feel it necessary to suggest to the organizer how it should be done. They are the ones who complain and criticize about everything because it's not the way THEY would've done it. Step up or shut up. I actually had a bible thumping co-worker hassle me as to why I put Holiday Potluck on the sign up sheet rather than Christmas potluck. I explained since our department is multicultural and we have many religions represented, that I wanted everyone to feel welcome to participate. The more the merrier- if you will. Well this person had a problem with that so I simply told them "well if you want more Christ in your Christmas - go to church more often". Meanwhile all the Muslim, Hindu, and Buddhist co-workers brought in wonderful dishes to share the joy. Fun and good tidings were had by all - except the one who wanted to get all pissy about holiday semantics. You know because that what Jesus would want - you to be all petty, spiteful, and exclusionary.

Despite all the hiccups and annoyances I love potlucks. I love all the homemade ethnic dishes my diverse co-workers bring in. (homemade egg rolls, venison sausage, Filipino noodles, lefse, pickled herring, garlic hummus) It's a chance to try new things, get recipes, talk to people you normally don't get a chance to, and fill yourself with goodness. That's the point of it after all - isn't it?

Joyless Gift Receivers

I have to say the one part of the Christmas season I hate is shopping for my youngest sister. She is incredibly picky and particular. She has an opinion on everything on how it should be. Buying a present for her is quite the chore and there is rarely any reward in it.

That is not to say that those with high standards are impossible to please. It's the ones who think only their ideas are the good ideas. I have pained and planned and have bought a high quality gift in something she is interested in and in the end she picks it apart and ultimately returns it simply because it wasn't her idea.

The best plan is to stick to the list she gives you. But the two problems with that - for one the items she asks for are usually out of the agreed upon price range, and second there is no surprise when the gift is opened. So there is no unexpected joy or elation. And it's so bad that even when you get something she asked for, she'll complain that it's not the brand/type/color she would have picked out.

Let's face it gift exchanges are as much about the givers as the receivers. It feels really good to see someone's reaction when you get them something they love. It also feels lousy when you put a lot of thought and effort to get someone a gift you thought they would love and you either get a neutral reaction or worse a negative reaction.

So if you are noticing that you are receiving less gifts than you used to, or if all you get are gift cards, then you just might be one of those picky joyless gift receivers. Merry Christmas - here's to you only getting what you want and crapping on those who care enough to buy you a thoughtful gift.

Neurosis in the ladies room

I wish I could wave a magic wand and eliminate all the fears and misconceptions that women have about public restrooms.  I bet the Y chromosome is missing the gene that causes such anxiety ridden thoughts and behaviors. So any males reading this are probably wondering what the hell I am talking about. There's a whole slew of odd behaviors and rituals that women do in public restrooms.

First we have act of putting as many layers of protection between the toilet seat and the fragile female behind. Some restrooms have dispensers where women can get flushable toilet seat shaped tissue protectors. I have heard women grabbing 4-5 at a time because apparently that protects you even better. (eye roll) If not -a protective cover can be fashioned out of toilet paper. If you're an idiot you grab the paper towels. (which plug up the toilet). A real treat is when you walk into a stall and some germophobes couldn't even be bothered to touch their own germy seat protectors to flush or throw them away. (lovely) Then there are the women where none of these options will do - so they hover.  Yes - I am not kidding - they straddle the toilet and hover their ass over the seat and proceed to go. Now mind you they don't get everything in the toilet and leave the mess for the next person. But they don't care as long as they got to have a germ free tinkle. Of course there is the old stand by of flushing the toilet with your foot trick, which I don't get because if you wiped yourself, your hands are already "dirty" and you are going to wash your hands anyway, so why are you worried about touching the handle? You have to touch the latch on the door to get out of the stall - so what germs are you saving yourself from? Then once you get your hands clean you use a paper towel to open the restroom door and if there is no waste basket handy you just throw the towels on the floor. The other odd behavior I have seen, or should I say heard, is flushing the toilet before they sit down to go. Now for some unknown reason this is popular with the Asian women. I asked a Filipino woman I know at work who did this one day, and she said it was to get clean water in the toilet so if anything splashed back up you wouldn't catch a disease.

So there it is - it all boils down to this weird urban legend / old wives tale that you can catch a sexually transmitted disease from a toilet. Every woman I have talked to who perform all these germophobic gymnastics in the restroom have the SAME story. Someone told them that their mother's friend's sister's daughter caught an STD from a toilet. NO THEY DIDN'T. It's always somebody they don't know and have never met. I'll say "give me a name of someone you know directly that caught an STD from a toilet" - they can't name any. That's my point. This is an urban legend based in zero fact. I would also say bunk to anyone claiming they got an STD from a toilet. Chances are they got an STD from..... yes ..wait for it... having sexual intercourse.  But since we still live in double standard times where women are supposed to feel ashamed for wanting and having sex, we have to make up stories about STDs and toilet seats, crabs and tanning beds, and herpes and gym equipment so we don't get labeled a slut or whore.

So I'll say this one more time. YOU CAN'T GET AN STD FROM A TOILET SEAT! OK ... for the sake of science I'll concede the fact that it is highly improbable. Every article I have read on this topic pretty much says the same thing. Germs can't live on a cold dry surface. So when Dr. Oz and other health related shows do their fear driven ratings getting germ segments, where they swab a number of public places, they fail to mention that all these germs they find are dead, therefore harmless. Infectious disease specialists say the only way to catch an STD from a toilet is if said germ happens to stay warm enough and wet enough to survive AND happens to enter your body directly through the urethra, vagina, or opening in the skin. While it's possible, it's highly improbable and next to impossible. I can attest that I have NEVER done any of this ridiculous things (even when visiting foreign countries) and I have not even gotten so much as a pimple on my ass. So ladies - can we knock off all this neurotic behavior and just go potty? Ironically the restroom would probably be cleaner.



 



One simple green thing... reusable grocery bags.

Every time I see an organization or business giving out free canvas bags, people are lined up a hundred deep and yet every time I go to the grocery store, I rarely see anyone using them. Just think how much plastic we could keep out of the environment and how many trees could be saved if most of us made good practice of these reusable bags. Here are some tips to consider....

* Do you have reusable bags and always forget them? Keep them in your car so they are with you always. As soon as you are done emptying them, put them back in the car instead of the closet, or hang them on the front door knob so you remember to take them back to the car.

* No breakage or spills. Canvas bags are strong so you can load as much as you want without worries of your bag tearing and your groceries spilling.

* Save money. A lot of stores give a 5 cent per bag discount if you use reusable bags. Not much - but it helps. More and more communities are implementing a tax/surcharge per bag if you use plastic bags to cut down the use of plastic.

* The square bottom reusable bags usually work the best for groceries, but the unusually shaped bags (book bag or tote style) work well for shopping at the dept store, drug store, home improvement store, or the farmers market.

* Most stores sell reusable bags at a fairly reasonable price. But you can get quite a collection for free. Many organizations and business promote themselves by giving away free bags at fairs, trade shows, and festivals. Take the time to get some freebies. I always ask for extras.

* Spread the movement. Over the last few years I've collected at least 50 free canvas bags. Obviously I can't use them all so I've given them to family members to use. Note: if you give someone 1 bag they probably won't bother to remember to use it, but if you give them a set of 4-5 they will likely start using them right away and get hooked.

* Looking for an inexpensive and unique gift for someone?  Buy them a set of reusable bags from their favorite store. A set of 5 will likely cost less than $20. Stores have put a lot of thought into the design of these bags and they look really cool.

* Free up cupboard and closet space. Donate that mountain of plastic and paper store bags clogging up your pantry closet to your local thrift store where they can be reused.  Many curbside recycling companies don't take plastic bags, but many stores (Kohl's) have plastic bag recycling bins.

This is one simple thing everyone could do that would help the environment greatly. I, for one, am sick of seeing plastic bags littering our beautiful landscape. I'm sick of seeing pictures of wildlife affected by ingesting or getting tangled in plastic. I'm sick of our landfills getting filled with a substance that doesn't easily break down. And I'm sick of the oil industry (plastic is made from petroleum) making billions off the destruction of our planet.

Now on with my quest to get gas stations/convenience stores to put recycling bins next to the trash bins at their gas pumps...

 

 

 

Shepherding "my flock"

One simple hobby I have that brings me great joy, purpose, and satisfaction is feeding the birds.  I have a total of five seed feeders, five suet, and one hummingbird feeder for the summer months.

I suddenly realized today that I got this funny little hobby from my father. All through my childhood I remember my dad diligently filling his feeders and making comments when a rare sighting of a cardinal happened.  Plus there was the perpetual battle of dad trying to rid the feeders of the gluttonous squirrels by sending our dog outside in a blaze of fur and barking, wreaking havoc on the local wildlife.

I can't quite explain why it's so satisfying. I like the quietness and the simplicity of the ritual. I like how the chickadees come surprisenly close to me as I hang up the newly filled feeders as if to say hi and "thanks for the chow".  The songbird population has dropped dramatically due to many factors, loss of habitat, disease, weather, and the rise of the feral cat population. So I like the feeling that somehow I'm helping mother nature in some small way. Maybe it's my innate love of animals. I like looking out my windows and seeing a colorful canvas of winged rainbows singing their way throughout the landscape.

Our simple little ritual starts with me grabbing my "shepherd's hook"- a tool I fashioned out of an old broom handle and thick wire for retrieving and placing the feeders from their locations.  The dogs always go along with me as if they are somehow helping me with the chore. Actually they know at some point I'll let them lick the containers that the suet cakes come in - kind of like when your mom would let you lick batter bowl. I keep the feed secure in a metal trash can in the garage to keep the critters out. One by one they all get filled, then I get to sit back and watch the crowd come in.

When we first moved to our five acre home out in the country, I recall only seeing a few species of birds - chickadees, blue jays, crows, robins, and juncos.  Now we have a large assortment taking up residence nearby. The ever elusive cardinal is now a regular mainstay, plus we have nuthatches, gold finches, purple finches, thrashers, grackles, wrens, larks, swallows, flickers, and four different varieties of woodpeckers including the very shy (and large) pileated woodpecker. Many more I can't recall off hand. Bluebirds are not feeder dwellers, but after I put up a birdhouse I bought from the boy scouts for ten dollars, I get three hatchings a year from that little house. I hope to put up a purple martin house in the near future.

My dad tried to instill a lot of things in me, I usually resisted. We butted heads most of the time. But this one thing he did, which he didn't push on me, I was just around to observe, is the one thing (Okay there are others) that I do and enjoy because of him. I thank him for giving this gift to me - Oh and the birds thank him too.


                                                

Stay home - damn it!

I read an article awhile back about how studies show that presenteeism is bigger problem in the workplace than absentee workers.  Presenteeism is defined as those who show up to work even if they are ill, injured, or are physically and/or mentally incapacitated. Statistics show that people who come in to work and feel like crap are less productive -- gee that's shocking. But even more important, these people infect everyone else and those people are more likely to call in sick.

I have a personal beef with this issue because my workplace encourages these dedicated brown nosers by awarding them with perfect attendance certificates (which any jack ass can print off any computer from certificate generators) and a crappy coffee mug or hat that was made in China. Seriously? Is your life so empty that this little 60 second ceremony gives you some sort of fulfillment? Holy shit - I'm so glad that I suffered with a 5 day cold followed by a respiratory infection that you gave me (and then spread to the rest of my family), just so you could have your once a year glory. Thank God.

Now if you could see beyond your selfish motivations based on hollow aspirations, you might consider that your unwitting dedication is NOT helping the company. In fact, it costs companies money when workers are less productive and have to make up for the many that are out sick. So don't delude yourself in thinking you are a better employee.  You also might want to think about how you are putting innocent people in harm's way. To you it may be a cold virus - to the very young, very old, and people with compromised immune systems, a simple cold could turn DEADLY. How many of your co-workers have their elderly parents living with them? How many are diabetic? How many have a relative with cancer, asthma, or HIV?  How many of your co-workers are pregnant?

Don't think that everyone looks up to you and admires you for your exemplary record. Remember that kid in class who kept raising their hand and knew every answer, turned everything in on time, got straight A's, and kept the teacher "informed" on every one's shenanigans? Everyone hated that kid. Why - because that kid saw themselves as better than everyone else. It was more about what the teacher thought of their deeds and their hopes of somehow being put on a pedestal for it rather than them doing their personal best. Well you are "that kid" in the workplace. Knock it off. Feel free to tarnish your record once or twice a year and spare the rest of us - we'll hate you a little less for it.